Should you buy a GR Yaris? Is it a good investment?

Should you indulge your inner ‘boy racer’ and buy Toyota’s GR Yaris? Associating ‘Yaris’ with anything vaguely desirable does feel odd. Will it be a decent investment?

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Now, it’s time for the oxymoron from hell: ‘Desirable Yaris’.

That’s right. And - this just in - I’m getting reports Satan has ordered his demonic street sweepers be outfitted with new snow ploughs this December. We live in fictional times.

Toyota has made a cheap small car you can lust after.

My cup currently runneth over with questions such as this:

Thanks Markus - good to see you’ve approached your favourite outrageous fool, the antics of whom will doubtless help you evaluate the merits of spending $45 grand on a Yaris. Good plan. 

Look, as a pure driver’s car: Big tick. The GR is essentially not a Yaris at all - at least not as we expect it. It’s a full-on WRC homologation special. Completely different body - three doors. Plus it’s lower and wider and lighter. It’s got 260 more spot welds and 15 metres more adhesive - and a carbon fibre roof. (All of which keep it stiffer.)

Massive grille, twin exhaust, world’s most powerful turbo petrol three-cylinder engine. 1.6 litres. So, they’re big cylinders. I like three cylinders, too - literally half of a straight six.

And there’s an out-of-balance rotating couple that tends to make them rock longitudinally. So they’re typically categorised as ‘raucous’ - which a lot of cars need to mask. But not this one, clearly.

It makes 200 kilowatts and 360 Newton-metres - and the turbo makes it pretty punchy over about 3000rpm. Five and a bit seconds to 100, kinda thing.

Proper AWD, too. Not this part-time rubbish. Defaults to 60:40 drive (front to rear) but if you select ‘Sport’ mode you can get 70 per cent of the drive at the rear, or opt for 50:50 in ‘Track’ mode.

Full independent rear, too. Big brakes. 18-inch alloys running Pilot Sport 4S Michelins.

What I’m essentially saying is: Proper driver’s car. For a change, from Toyota. It’s a six-speed manual, with rev-matching (which you can turn off if you want to go ‘old school’ and heel-and-toe). And you can turn the ESC off if you want to recalibrate your ‘slide rule’. And an old-fashioned ‘pull-up’ handbrake, which (if activated while in motion) de-couples the AWD system.

Goodness me - why would anyone want to do that? (It would be a travesty having an electronic handbrake on a car such as this.) It’s even got radar cruise - which is pretty rare in a manual. But as for ‘investment potential’: Let’s talk about that.

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Banking on it

Affordable performance cars, have significantly improved in the last 20 years. The Yaris GR, as an example, has twice the power, is lighter, faster, more efficient and cheaper.

Performance cars back in the 90s were very expensive, taking depreciation into account. The spending power now is far superior.

We don’t exactly know what Toyota Australia will charge for the Yaris GR Rallye pack, but if we use the Celica GT4 as a precedent, you’re going to lose the majority of its value over the next 20 years.

Then there are the ongoing costs to fuel, insure and service the Yaris GR over time. Cars are not a very reliable source of investment opportunity.

Just picking a random bank with which you might have invest that same $50k Celica GT4 life savings on, you could’ve bought a decent amount of shares and made a significantly bigger profit - nearly nine times.

I hate banks, but if you recalibrate and consider what one could earn you by investing in just a teeny tiny slice of one, you might change your perspective somewhat.

You have to be insanely lucky - like lightning striking twice - to dump your cash on the right car and waiting for it to (hopefully) increase in value.

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Illogical conclusion

‘GR’ is essentially Toyota’s take on Hyundai’s ‘N’, Mercedes-Benz’s AMG, BMW’s ‘M’ and Audi’s ‘RS’. It doesn’t intrinsically mean anything.

Only 25,000 of these will be made, worldwide. In the UK they do a Track Pack with uprated suspension and front and rear Torsen-style limited-slip diffs, plus forged 18-inch wheels. (But no powertrain upgrades.) That’s a box you would want to tick, for the diffs alone. It’s 3500 Pounds Sterling - which is about $6500 (Australian dollars).

Here in Australia, Toyota’s decided to go all mystical and offer a Rallye edition in 2021. It’s a GR with the UK’s Track Pack, basically. This is, like, one last pricktease of delayed gratification after selling the first batch cheap.

Should you buy one?

Well, the back seat is crap and there’s no headroom. I don’t think there’s a spare tyre. Boot space has taken a real hit. And there’s fake exhaust noise being pumped through the stereo because Toyota can’t meet emissions regs and also make the exhaust rock and roll at the same time. No bi-modal exhaust - disappointingly.

Performance is line-ball with a WRX STI, but it’s more compact and the novelty factor is off the chart. 

You could probably even drive it every day. Performance cars aren’t great at that (except maybe the i30 Fastback N or Kia Stinger), but if you’re suitably infatuated you can tolerate the daily driving shortcomings.

But the reality of cars like this is that most people who buy them simply lack the skill to drive them at or near their limit - and even if you do have that spooky software, doing that on a public road is (kinda) irresponsible. 

So most cars of this nature spend the majority of their lives in either ‘incompetence mode’ or ‘self-restraint’ mode. Or stuck in traffic on the way to work. No word yet on Toyota Australia’s position on factory warranty - if you take your Track Pack-equipped GR to an actual track and blow out the cobwebs, either. 

Some manufacturers take quite a dim view on that. Like, what were you thinking? It’s perverse, but hey - anything to get out of a warranty claim.

Bottom line: buying a car like this is a love thing. And you don’t have to rationalise love. Personally I’d love to carve up a rich wanker in an A45 AMG in a Yaris. In the wet. On the outside. That would be just one of those enduring, special moments.

So, buy this car if you love it. If it moves you...down there. Don’t justify it to yourself as an investment. That’s about as real as the Easter Bunny.

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