ROLL CENTRE: Jeep Wrangler flips over in official IIHS crash test - again
Thinking of buying a 4WD capable of keeping your young-adult children safe as they venture out into the world? Here’s how the deathtrap Jeep Wrangler rolls…
Sometimes, the world is just funnier than satire. This is one such report, which (roll) centres on one of my favourite car companies, Jeep.
Jeep’s ability is unmatched in providing seemingly unending chapters of hilarity in the good book Holy Jeep: My Guide to Not Coming Back.
The latest instalment involves the mighty Wrangler which, on a good day, looks like it comes off the production line, is pushed down a flight of stairs, right before being loaded onto a ship. On the showroom floor, Wrangler looks like it’s been shaken, really hard.
You might be interested at this point to understand why ANCAP’s three-star rating for Wrangler is an utter disgrace >>
Cars - even epic shitboxes - are not supposed to do that. A 2014 Subaru Forester passed that same small overlap test with flying colours.
Back in 2020, when the COVID zombie apocalypse was still kinda fun, over in the United States, the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety with its own cutting-edge test facilities, they tested Wrangler.
IIHS has a specific test, which is actually quite severe, which ANCAP chooses not to conduct, ever, for reasons known only to them, called the ‘small overlap’ test. The car hits a rigid barrier at 64km/h with only quite a small frontal area engaged in the crash - 25 per cent overlap. It’s meant to simulate only just head-on clipping a vehicle at highway speeds. The loads are thus quite concentrated.
Take a look:
That’s how it’s supposed to look. It’s a tightly controlled test, too, with plus or minus one km/h on the speed, and plus or minus one percentage point on the overlap. Crash laboratories are fun (but demanding) places to work. You get to break stuff, only in a very precise way.
So, anyway, back in 2020, the IIHS tests Wrangler in this way. Just another day at the mayhem laboratory except, this happened:
Even previous shitbox Wranglers, when subjected to the same test, did not roll over and entertainingly fire off into the path of oncoming whatever in such a novel way. Relatively speaking, all modern cars pass this test electing to remain unremarkably upright.
And it’s exactly the same test as demonstrated by these next two images taken at exactly the same moment in both tests.
Stellantis, the world’s premium automotive shitbox brand aggregator - formerly Fiat Chrysler - which obviously owns Jeep, it had a substantial tantrum about the original test, at the time, if memory serves. They accused the IIHS of botching the test and maligning the fine, upstanding reputation of their iconic off-road conveyance. (Pro Tip: IIHS doesn’t botch its tests, certainly not like ANCAP botches its ratings ‘system’.)
So the IIHS agreed in 2021 to do it again, while Stellantis stood by and confirmed that their engineers really weren’t getting it wrong. Stellantis accepted.
So they did the test, again, and Stellantis signed off on all the details, and that atrocious shitbox parked on its side again.
It’s just like a carbon copy of the first disastrous test. So that was nice. Wrangler goes down in the annals of history as the first vehicle ever to roll over in this test - twice.
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EXCUSES FOR A FATALY FLAWED DESIGN
At the time of the second rollover, IIHS tactfully issued the following statement:
Following this epic PR fiasco highlighting that 2019 Jeep’s emphatically under-done engineering, senior executive Stellantis geniuses made all kinds of grandiose statements about engineering revisions, diligence, professionalism, commitment, above and beyond (whatever) but without admitting any liability, of course, and they went in search of a rug large enough, under which to sweep the whole ugly mess.
The story went on ice until early June when it was time, upliftingly, to see how well those revisions worked out.
Consistency is the key, is it not? It takes a truly unique level of engineering capability to achieve this kind of dramatic and unexpected result using just a vertical barrier and a completely flat concrete floor.
Hollywood doesn’t do it that way, in the movies. Most cars would need a ramp on one side to undress and gyrate quite so suggestively. Sometimes they’ll even fire a cannon of compressed air from beneath the vehicle to pop it up.
Let’s look at those engineering revisions, back to back. The grey Wrangler you’ll see first is from the 2019 test. Then you’ll see the comprehensively revised Red one, from this year.
2019 test…
2019 result.
2022 test…
2022 result.
Quite nuanced, isn’t it? Those differences. The effect of those numerous and no doubt exhaustive revisions, of course, to the untrained eye, they look identical.
My favourite perspective on 2022’s astoundingly revised performance is this view, which highlights, thanks to the miracle of slow motion, just how seemingly disconnected every structural component of a Wrangler is.
To be fair, the IIHS did acknowledge that:
The Wrangler performed well by the normal metrics used to evaluate performance in the test. The safety cage surrounding the driver held its structure well. The restraints also effectively controlled the movement of the dummy…
IIHS
However, the report goes on to highlight a stark problem with Wrangler’s ability to protect the driver’s legs from potentially catastrophic injury:
the test indicated a significant risk of injury to the driver’s left leg and foot and the combination head and torso side airbag did not deploy.
-IIHS
That’s bad. Airbags have been a thing for over 20 years now, and Wrangler seems stuck inside the gates of automotive Jurassic Park. They’re not even bothering to deploy anymore.
Beyond that, the fact this vehicle is so disgracefully prone to rollover events during a crash should scream ‘deathtrap’ to any parent thinking a Wrangler is a good idea for their adventurous kids who’ve only had their probationary or full driver’s license a very short time.
The IIHS report explains why:
…tipping onto its side presents an additional injury risk beyond what the standard criteria are intended to measure, in part because the IIHS test does not include a dummy seated on the passenger side.
Even partial rollovers are dangerous, as they increase the chances that an occupant may be completely or partially ejected from the vehicle.
That’s especially relevant for the Wrangler, which has a roof and doors that can be removed and lacks side curtain airbags.
That view is also more like the last thing you might ever see, standing there at the roadside, hand-in-hand with your young children, waiting to cross the fucking road, when some dipshit in a Wrangler crashes in exactly this way, before spearing straight at you, with twist and pike.
Of course, senior executive bullshitters cranked the emergency Stellantis PR-spin machine into overdrive, when Wrangler’s enduring and disgracefully underdone engineering was highlighted most unfairly by the IIHS in this undignified (but ontologically objective) way, for the third time now.
A lengthy, hilarious statement in repudiation was issued. Here are just a few highlights…
It’s strong and brave, admitting you’ve committed this atrocity, up front. Well done. I suppose admission is the first step towards rehabilitation...
Hard to argue with that. Most Wrangler owners I know: Still using all the muscles except of course the one that really matters - the brain.
That’s easy when you close your eyes - like a toddler standing in the middle of the highway. If you just close your eyes and pretend something isn’t there, when it is, you can just bullshit by saying you don’t know what you do know.
Perhaps Google Images can help with future awareness.
Do you really want your dearly believed venturing off into the sunset in a Wrangler - or worse, your kids? It’ll be the entirely wrong kind of sunset - the metaphorical kind where you have to make funeral arrangements. Kids should bury their parents, not the other way around.
But sure, Jeep wants you to “Don’t Hold Back”:
Yes, it has. Mostly from publications Jeep chooses to advertise in. Go figure. Just one of the bad incentives underpinning the reason why people simply don’t trust the mainstream media any more.
Adding to this tally of two dozen trophies: these three IIHS awards, now, for rolling over like a death-seeking missile, in the way no other vehicle has, ever, during this test. Further testament to the Wrangler’s unique niche, which not even Land Rover could hope to threaten with shitbox Defender.
Ain’t that the truth? A picture is of course worth 1000 words. That is an extraordinary capability, unlike that of any other vehicle on the road. Horrifically engaging, in an abstract way.
Winston Churchill famously said that the most powerful argument against democracy was to have a five-minute conversation with the average voter, and I think a similar concept could be applied to technology and safety, and the expectations of the vehicle-buying public. I wouldn’t be looking to the public for guidance on safety, is what I’m saying.
Certainly I know of several mouth-breathing bogans who claim they would prefer to go back to carburettors and distributors. I’d suggest these people have - at best - very selective memories…
But to Stellantis I say: Agreed, and thank you. Sincerely. Brave move.
The IIHS issues one of four ratings for this test: Good, Acceptable, Marginal and Poor. Wrangler got ‘Marginal’. It makes you wonder what a vehicle would have to do to receive ‘Poor’...
In any case, Jeep has certainly exceeded my expectations with this one. It must have been very challenging, doing all those complex technical revisions, following 2020’s majestic up-fuckery, duos, and yet still engineer-in that unique, contrarian, somewhat thrill-seeking dimension which Wrangler seems purpose-built to deliver, in the way no other vehicle ever has.
Long may Wrangler be on a roll, I say. Well done indeed, Stellantis, highlighting a regulatory/compliance deficiency which allows vehicles this badly engineered even to be sold in the developed world. That’s almost (but not quite) a public service.
As eagerly as I’m looking forward to the next test, I doubt this one will impact Wrangler’s sales at all. I’ll endeavour to contact Mr Churchill tonight, by ouija board, to confirm.
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