Nissan Patrol Y62 (Armada) VS Toyota LandCruiser
LandCruiser 200 versus Y62 Patrol on heavy tow capacity, plus some interesting feedback from you, in the comments. The education system really does leave some people behind. Tragically…
Yesterday I answered a viewer’s question on heavy towing with Nissan Patrol here >>.
Doing this was tantamount to approving a bunch of visas at the Dumb Shit city limits.
Why pick on Nissan Do Landcruiser 200? It's not much better or ranger or hilux
- Rob Kay
Rob, Rob, Rob. Punctuation: full stops, question marks, apostrophes, proper nouns.
So seemingly complex. And yet, these and our thumbs (and of course, online porn) are what set us apart from the chimps. Is it really that hard to pay vestigial attention, perhaps every second day at school?
Fifteen words. Eight grammatical errors - all of which I’d expect a median 12-year-old to get right. That’s more than one error for every two words. Well done.
Pro tip (you’ll probably need both brain cells for this): It’s not an example of me picking on poor old Nissan to point out Patrol’s towing capabilities. That’s an example of me providing facts in the public interest, so that consumers can make an informed decision. And hopefully presenting it in an entertaining way.
Still, this is not a bad idea from Rob. It’s just a very badly expressed good idea.
So, we will shortly do LandCruiser versus Patrol. Do try to keep up.
High brow
Safe to say Jake wasn’t all that actively engaged at school either:
Not that youre brave enough to actually read your comments, but mate, who are you kidding?
Blading every man who comments, as though he has no knowledge, does not make you the Oracle.
What do you recommend dude? say a tamdem trailer load of gold bullion, 1200 kays each way. What do you suggest?
Be honest with yourself, the Nissan would nail it. Youre a JOKER.
Or I could spend all my super on some stupid shiny toyota to do the same job.
- Jake Lloyd
See what I mean? Equally safe to presume the gold bullion-hauling mission is nought but a thought experiment. Because if you did in fact have a trailer full of gold, you’d just charter a C130. I know I would.
But Jake is right. I am a joker, and certainly not the Oracle. She was a black woman, if my memory of the Matrix is accurate. And I’m only ever a black woman when I’m coming off a benzodiazepine bender.
Jake went on, somewhat combatively, in my view.
But yes, im in a predicament, need a decent tow vehicle.. ?
Wish my internet would stop recommending you, i look because its like watching a train wreck. Why do you feel the need to speak like everyone else is dopey?
What i gather from your talk is that you dont have a fraction of actual experience. I respect if this is your career. Wait- just heard you addressed the topic- sure, use a truck. What if its a one of job?
- Jake Lloyd
Jake. Mate. I, too, wish your internet would stop recommending me. I knew we’d eventually reach a point of commonality.
This is why humans invented dialogue. And I agree it is a problem if it’s a ‘one-of’ job. ‘One of’ jobs are a problem, because you certainly couldn’t just buy a Corolla and contact one of the many thousands of freight companies in the nation and pay them, using the money you save, to transport whatever, ‘one of’ at a fraction of the cost of either heavy tow vehicle.
I guess I do sometimes speak as if everyone else is - let’s be kind - dopey. Mainly because I see many comments of this nature and I see that people like this remain free to breed and vote. I really do think this leads to a sub-optimal outcome for the gene pool, long-term.
And I’m not alone. It was Winston Churchill himself, after all, who opined that a powerful argument against democracy could be framed after a five-minute chat with the average voter...
Nut Cracking
So a LC Sahara starts the same story with only 610 kilos of carrying capacity, why no mention of that? Toyota paying the bills this month?
Patrols are selling better all the time and so many issues with Cruisers must be making Toyota nervous.
- Aussieoffroad Nut
Toyota sold just shy of 14,000 LandCruiser wagons last year. Nissan sold just under 2000 Patrols. So, it’s hardly a fair fight. Safe to say Toyota is not that nervous. Yet. But LandCruiser sales are flat, whereas Patrol was up about 700 units compared with 2018.
As for Toyota (or any other carmaker) paying my bills, not so much. Not at all, actually. After the reaming I have given Toyota - the king of mediocrity - for the deplorable epidemic of failures of its DPFs in Hilux, Fortuner and Prado, and the ongoing ‘dusting’ issues with LandCruiser…
...and the ridiculous proposition embraced by Toyota Shitsville, referring to its customers as ‘guests’. (A masterstroke of disgraceful and unnecessary upstream Japanese appeasement.) After that, I’m not really expecting their people to beat down my door to unload fat stacks of cash. Possibly when hell freezes over.
These unfounded accusations from the fake-named. They are entertaining. I mean, who calls themselves ‘Aussieoffroad Nut’? Was ‘Aussieoffroad Imbecile’ already taken? It certainly makes you wonder.
Let us crunch the numbers…
Right. Patrol versus Landcruiser. Let’s price-point them each at about $100k on the road. That would be Patrol Ti versus Landcruiser 200 GXL.
Let’s assume they’re both about to tow a three-and-a-half tonne trailer which imposes a 350-kilo download on the towball. In other words: the maximum towing assignment for both.
The objective here: Let’s determine which has the superior payload capacity in this configuration. Two fat bastards, but who will be biggest loser on towing?
We crunched the numbers on Patrol yesterday. A lot of people then said in the comments Landcruiser was ‘quote-unquote’ even worse. Let’s see.
Patrol Ti has a gross vehicle mass of three-and-a-half tonnes and a tare weight of 2715 kilos. Tare, meaning empty except for 10 litres of fuel.
Then you have to top off the fuel tank (130 additional litres - for about 100 kilos). Then there’s the towball download - which is part of the payload. 350 kilos there. Plus Nissan’s ‘fudge factor’ for heavy towing; take another 130 kilos off the top if your towball download is 350.
So the Patrol rolls in with just 205 kilos of remaining physical payload capacity, which is pretty anorexic when you consider that we have not yet added a single person, or bolted up a single accessory (including a towbar - which is hardly optional here). Nor have we added a single item of equipment like a tool box or a bag with personal items.
Can LandCruiser GXL do any better? It kicks off with a lower GVM - 3350 kilos. And Toyota specifies kerb weight for the ‘Cruiser, unlike Nissan, which uses tare weight. Kerb weight includes fuel. So that’s 2740 kilos. We don’t therefore need to make adjustments for the fuel. Nor is there a weight limit-reducing fudge factor for heavy towball downloads from the Big T. So all we need to take off there is the 350 kilos on the towball.
Leaving us with 260 kilos of remaining payload for you, your fat companions, your accessories and your onboard accoutrements. Which is still quite bulimic, if you ask me; but it is 27 per cent higher than the Nissan.
Re-Sultan of Winning
So, to all of you who were too lazy and/or stupid to do the very simple research required to figure this out objectively, and who pointed out, upliftingly, yesterday, in the comments, that the LandCruiser was ‘even worse’ I say, with all due respect (ie - none) bite me.
I stand by my earlier comments. Towing more than 2.5 tonnes in vehicles such as these is a dangerous and impractical undertaking that defies logic and commonsense. If you want to tow three-and-a-half tonnes, buy a truck.
Perhaps this is just another example of me disrespectfully treating idiots as if they are somehow stupid. How dare I do such a thing, in this, the year of appeasement? Does everyone not deserve a medal, just for turning up?
Perhaps YouTube should shut me down for my outdated and offensive views on issues such as this. I do look forward to taking time off, to work on the pilot of my new reality TV show, Dumb Shit ‘Straya, to air in between Farmer Wants Three Wives (Salt Lake City) and Morbidly Obese Naked News.
Look me in the eye and tell me the nightly news would not be fun if they presented it this way. People might start watching TV again (but we wouldn’t want that).
LandCruiser wins again…barely. And not on price.
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