Elon Musk smokes most expensive joint in history; millions burned
Battery-powered CEO Elon Musk just smoked the most expensive joint in history - live. Unfortunately, a new high for the $20 billion space boy also means a new low for Tesla shareholders
CEO of Tesla and occasional visitor to the real world, Elon Musk, took out his insane capacity for poor impulse control and shot Tesla shareholders in the foot again, after sparking up a joint on the Joe Rogan Experience podcast recently.
Tesla shares nosedived about 10 per cent as a result but rebounded a bit and settled at 6.3 per cent lower that day. Tesla has about $4.2 billion US dollars in total stockholder equity - so I hope the smoke was worth it.
Mr Musk dreams about fitting in, being one of the cool kids. It’s just not gunna happen. Ever. Spliffgate was totally legal; just another fucked-up Musk thought bubble, and quite an expensive one because it cost the embattled battery carmaker $265 million Retardistani roubles in market capitalisation.
(That’s what the currency will be called when Vlad P sits in the Oval Office. You heard it here first.)
According to one of my favourite websites: priceofweed.com, the going rate for high quality wacky tobacci is about $10 bucks a gram.
Thus, if Mr Musk had engaged his pre-frontal cortex before taking that toke, he would have found it cheaper just to go out and buy about 25 tonnes of high-quality marijuana. (That’s based on the street value. You could probably go direct to the cartel and get 50 tonnes for that kind of coin, with bulk-buying discount.)
Commentators widely denounced Mr Musk’s behaviour as erratic. Conduct unbecoming the CEO of a public company. But I don’t see it that way.
Elon Musk is the L Ron Hubbard of the automotive industry, a visionary, a man who represents to automotive innovation the kinds of game-changing values Pamela Anderson brought to the vocation of surf lifesaving in 1992.
(But I always remember her more fondly as the original ‘Tool Time’ girl on Home Improvement - an oddly prophetic role, viewed through the prism of hindsight…)
Cash incinerating BS machine
Tesla is an unparalleled cash-incinerating bullshit machine, and Mr Musk is its perfect leader. Exactly the right kind of dickhead. Personal opinion.
To many of us, smoking a joint for a quarter of a billion dollars would be an impossible undertaking, but Mr Musk is a specialist at burning cash. It’s what he does.
In the second quarter of this year he helped Tesla burn almost $740 million Retardistani roubles, and posted a record quarterly loss >> of almost $720 million. More on Tesla’s current financials at wikipedia >>
He wants to take Tesla private >> to avoid the scrutiny of market analysts - whom he refers to publicly as ‘boneheads >>’, but only because they won’t suck the company Kool-Aid in the manner of Tesla cult members (I mean customers).
Last year, under the own goal-scoring guidance of, perhaps, the most retarded CEO of the modern era, Tesla managed to turn almost $12 billion in revenue into a $2 billion loss. Yessss!!!
That’s not easy.
Every time Mr Musk opens his trap, even if only to suck innocently on a spliff, millions go up in smoke.
And this financial disaster is occurring before the upcoming Volkswagen and Daimler Tesla spit roast. A Tsunami of Cherman EVs are currently waiting in the wings. It’s going to be an epic automotive takedown when that happens. Not if. Watch this space.
To Mr Musk I’d say: Getting out of it was actually a pretty neat idea. The best thing you could possibly do for Tesla is to do so permanently, rather than just once, metaphorically.
Mr Musk, to me you are not charismatic; you’re an epic bullshitter and a goose who should never again utter a single word publicly. Your behaviour is absolutely not OK when you’re playing fast and loose with other people’s money.