Disinfecting your car is car industry fear-mongering
The car industry weighs in on sanitation during zombie apocalypse, apparently without doing basic research…
I dunno about you, but I’m getting kinda sick of bullshit (let’s call it) ‘advice’ from arsehole lobby groups.
Imagine my delight last Wednesday; my cock and I were kicking back in our fishnets, pleasantly isolated, both of us fantasising about chicks, watching re-runs of Baywatch here in the Fat Cave (so uplifting).
Then, out of the ether, a vital press release created a disturbance in The Force.
“AUSTRALIAN AUTOMOTIVE INDUSTRY URGES MOTORISTS TO UPGRADE VEHICLE HYGIENE PRACTICES”
-Shouty FCAIA press release
Sounds important, doesn’t it? The Federal Chamber of Automotive Industry Arseholes announced to the community with the utmost importance…
“...has urged drivers to upgrade vehicle hygiene practices to help minimise the risk of spreading [the zombie apocalypse].”
How strange, I thought - one of the most profoundly anti-consumer lobby groups in the country (personal opinion), is suddenly so seemingly concerned about human health.
After decades of opening their lips and making like a thousand Dysons, lobbying any minister who would lend them an ear to delay the adoption of tighter emissions control standards…
..to keep Ford and Holden happy. At the cost of filthy air in our cities, and premature death for people with cardio-pulmonary compromises. Oh well, something’s gotta give. You can’t keep everyone happy; we’ve got a barrow to push - a big one, too.
Raised spectre
When I say ‘anti-consumer’, I urge you to make your own determination on this. Start here >>
The president of the FCAIA is Horst von Sanden, who heads up the Three-pronged Suppository here in Australia, and sits at the round table like something of an anti-consumer King Arthur with board member knights, including;
Vinesh Bhindi, boss of Mazda, whom I’m sure is looking forward to the impending Federal Court reaming in which the ACCC will prosecute its allegation of Mazda’s unconscionable conduct. Reaming details here >>
Also on the board is Stephen Lester, the boss of Nissan, which according to Michael West’s list of Top 40 tax dodgers paid just $476 tax in Australia on something like $7 billion in sales, of which just $22 million or three-tenths of one per cent was taxable income. Nice one.
Specialist dealer-boners Holden and Honda each have seats on the FCAIA board. Holden’s soon to be vacated, obviously.
And Bartschy-boy is there as well >>, country manager of Volkswagen here in Australia, just for, you know, anti-consumer completeness.
FCAIA geniuses, were apparently sitting around, isolated, mid-apocalypse, with their ‘limit of five, not including bride and groom’ wedding vegetables hanging somewhat limply in their hands, struggling for relevance. Which must be hell.
But I guess these zombie apocalypses are nothing if not PR opportunities.
Lord Barrow knows what he’s looking at…
“As social distancing measures limit transportation options, Australians are looking to their cars as a more isolated means to conduct essential travel…”
Okay, so far. Seems obvious. That’s Tony Weber. Lord of the Sacred Barrow and Chief Executive mouthpiece for the car industry in Canberra, stating the friggin’ obvious.
Of course, my finely honed Jedi senses were telling me even then that one of those low hanging wedding vegetables was imminently to become a tripping hazard.
“Maintaining hygiene can assist in preventing transmission. [Sanitising your car] is just as important as cleaning any other surface. Cars should be sanitised every time they are entered or exited.”
-Lord Barrow, on-going
That’s Weber again, unfortunately. So, allow me to retort.
Hold it right there, mother-lover: Upon what evidence, exactly, is this recommendation to sanitise one’s car religiously, upon both entry and exit, actually based?
Can’t-Be-Fact checking
Let’s just look at this logically. You leave the supermarket. You use the hand sanitising station upon exit, because you’re not a moron. You get into your car.
Do you really need then to sanitise the shit out of it on entry? Especially if you just did so on exit, a few minutes ago? And if you do, why would you subsequently need to sanitise upon exit this time? Seems a bit OCD to me. Like something made up hastily just so we could issue a press release and look relevant.
And, I have to inquire, is OCD car sanitisation really “just as important” as “any other surface”? Methinks not. Methinks one’s own hands are number one with a bullet on the surface sanitisation hit parade, currently.
But what would I know? I’ve never studied infectious diseases. And there’s the one point of intersection between the FCAI and me, incidentally. Who knew there would one day be one of those? The difference there is, of course, that one of us knows what he doesn’t know. #Rumsfeld.
It makes me wonder where, exactly, your car sits, in the domain of being a vector for zombiefication.
UNSW’s actual expert, Professor Mary-Louise McLaws. Image: UNSW
“If we are diligent about our own hand hygiene, she says there should be no need to wear gloves or to wipe down trolleys or our steering wheel when we return to the car - even if others aren't as careful as you might be.”
- SMH, referencing Professor Mary-Louise McLaws
That’s advice from UNSW Professor Mary-Louise McLaws, published on SMH.com.au the day before the Lord of the Barrow gave us his seemingly conflicting expert opinion. Oops a daisy. (Professor McLaws says the zombie virus can live on hard surfaces - particularly metal - for several days, but it needs “the most perfect conditions in the laboratory” to prove be viable.
I’m so torn about who to trust here. On one hand you’ve got the Lord of the Barrow, and his OCD car sanitisation fetish, and on the other you’ve got the PhD brainiac doc who devotes her life to understanding issues of this nature and says just keep your hands clean and you’ll be okay.
Just don’t be a lazy, filthy prick. Wash your friggin’ hands. Simple.
Professor McLaws: she’s ‘only’ a member of the World Health Organization Health Emergencies Program Experts Advisory Panel for Infection Prevention and Control Preparedness, Readiness and Response to the current zombie apocalypse.
That’s an official job title. Bit of a tongue-twister, and I certainly do hope it’s a landscape-orientation business card. Just saying.
Professor McLaws specialises in infection prevention and control, surveillance, outbreaks, and she conducts academic research into epidemiology, infectious diseases, medical microbiology, intensive care, and public health. She’s a proper brainiac, off the friggin’ chart.
Whereas it seems to me Lord of the Barrow is simply an anti-consumer lobbying limpet, struggling for relevance, who says things such as:
“Care needs to be taken that ACL is not excessively draconian…”
“The FCAI maintains active discussions with state and territory Ministers and officials with regards to consumer law developments…”
-Actually stated, FCAIA
That’s from those dickheads’ 2017 annual report. To me it’s the reddest of red anti-consumer flags.
And this is not just some gaffe in a live Q&A session with the press. It’s a carefully considered published statement on page 7 in their official report >>
Have a think about what that actually means. To me it implies the industry position being: “All consumer law is draconian. But we’re striving to limit just how ‘draconian’ it can be. We’re going for Goldilocks, in the domain of draconian-ness.’ Personal opinion. Also, they don’t seem to be big thinkers. Just saying.
You FCAI dickheads need to parse this information: Consumer law compliance should be the absolute minimum standard of reasonable behaviour to which your members should adhere, when it comes to dealing with customers who purchase a product as expensive as a car. How friggin’ hard is it?
And yet, you’re still advocating to sidestep this responsibility.
Bullshit bullseye
Here’s the public interest case for me to shitcan this bullshit car sanitisation release: This is an extremely stressful time for many people.
It is therefore in my view absolutely disgraceful, and completely inappropriate, not to mention socially unacceptable, and wholly disingenuous, for barrow-pushing arseholes to over-play the danger posed by this threat in any way.
People are stressed enough - if you haven’t already noticed. You can’t even go out and sit in a public fucking park on your own right now, to get some pleasant autumn sun on your face and contemplate, perhaps, how you’re going to deal with the recent loss or suspension of your job.
On one hand you’ve got lobby group arseholes who are using the zombie apocalypse as a PR opportunity and offering seemingly baseless ‘advice’ (if that’s the right word) simply because they like seeing themselves in print.
And on the other hand you’ve got actual world-class scientists, here in Australia, who actually know about this shit.
“With common sense and consistency, we can help to limit the spread of coronavirus and mitigate the impact of disrupting essential mobility.”
Lord BP again.
And in my opinion: What a great pity he did not take his own advice on this, perhaps by picking up the phone, and consulting an actual scientist on precisely this issue.
If he’s bored, perhaps Lord of the Barrow could just strive to update his bullshit organisation’s website, which still insists Big Butts is Chairman and MD of Holden. He sure as shit has not been big cheese of GM’s local decapitated cockroach since, more than four months ago now. Finger on the pulse, dudes. C’mon.
Upon reflection
Here’s the thing: When the chips are down, historically: When the zombies are at the gate, metaphorically, when the liquid oxygen tank on Apollo 13 explodes, or something, and three lives are on the line with the world watching...
...in situations such as these, they sure as shit don’t convene an emergency committee comprising a bunch of lobbyists and lawyers to sort everything out.
So, I’d suggest, if you’re going to take advice on things you don’t understand, get it from the right places, do some basic research, pick up the phone, Google something, send a bloody email at the least and tell the world you’re ‘awaiting comment’. At least that would be accurate.
Perhaps, before you go compulsively dipping your car in isopropyl alcohol - on entry and exit - you might just want to upgrade your bullshit filter and make sure your damn hands are clean.
We’re gunna get through this.
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