2020 New Car Buyer's Guide

2020 is shaping up as the best year to buy a new car since the global financial crisis. As a society, humans prepare for the future by looking at the past. So let’s do that…

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There’s no need to get bent over by a car dealer any more - especially now - because understanding what happened to Australia’s new car market in 2019 will give you the advantage of buying in 2020. So, lock and load, I’ll cover you.

Car industry apologists are eulogizing the drought, the fires, economic uncertainty, international relations - anything and everything - to send one clear message: ‘therefore, car sales are bad’, so they say. They’re offering every excuse under the sun.

But don’t for a second be dismayed or feel sorry for the poor old car industry - they make billions every year and a select few still haven’t paid a cent in tax, for years. In fact, this is the perfect opportunity for you to get your game-face on and take the dealer to the cleaners, for once. So that’s nice.

What happened in 2019?

Sit-rep: the car industry’s so-called tough times are an opportune moment for you. The happy reality for us on Planet Consumer is: 2019 new car sales were the lowest since 2011.

Of the top 11 carmakers (ascending: Subaru, Holden, Honda, Volkswagen, Nissan, Kia, Ford, Mitsubishi, Hyundai, Mazda and Toyota in top spot) only Kia grew sales in 2019.

Five of the top 10 fell by double digits with the biggest disaster being Holden’s - almost 29 per cent down.

Premium carmakers Porsche, Lexus and BMW recorded sales growth, and Mercedes and Audi recorded losses, the latter by a staggering 19 per cent. Perhaps people are finally figuring out that an A3 really is just a Golf for rich wankers and Mercedes has poor customer service (although Audi keeps them company in the area). It could also be their shameful corporate conduct. Whatever.

This collective industry doom and gloom is great news if you are a new-car buyer, because dealer desperation has absolutely hit fever pitch.

After nearly two straight years of sales decline, especially for mainstream vehicles, where all the sales volume is, things are bad. Like, chest wound bad. For dealers and car brands that is.

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Know thy enemy: the arse-kicking industry

Just quickly, this is how it works as a car company:

You’re a factory, making a high capital cost, resource-intensive, low-margin product - cars. Steel, aluminium, copper, plastic, rubber, glass, nylon, the list goes on. 

There’s a simple economic equation: production must equal sales, otherwise you’re rooted. And not in a relaxing, intimate way - financially rooted.

So, the factory kicks the arse of its import subsidiary in places like Australia to market and sell to consumers like you. (Insert brand name, add “Australia”. Order the stationary).

The consequence of this unforgiving factory interaction is the trumped-up, middle-management CEO here kicks the collective arse of his staff, who kick the collective arse of their dealers, and the dealer principals kick the individual arses of their sales staff. 

This cumulative arse-kicking cascade is how compliance with the ‘production equals sales’ mandate is managed.

If dealers and their respective brands boost sales at any level on this totem pole, they’re rewarded.

And, here you are - the customer - darkening the dealership’s door. 

So, do you want the dealer kicking your arse, or are you going to slip into and strap up a shiny, leathery pair of Doc Martins?

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The car dealer is not your friend: No matter how hard he tries, do not drop your guard.

Lock, stock… and two smoking barrels of bullshit

It starts with a very convivial atmosphere, offering you coffee, soothing air-conditioning from the sun, plants in every corner and smiles on every face. Maybe even a song playing on your favourite radio station.

But, you might want to ready phasers here, because the clock on the wall is locked at ‘bullshit o’clock’ and these shapeshifters are not on your side. 

This is what buying a car is: You’re standing on the tip of the arse-kicking iceberg. Beneath your feet, it’s all frozen bullshit, much of it invisible.

The frenzied impact of all those upstream Louis Vuitton Derby dress shoes on all those glutes put you in a very powerful position - if you exploit it. 

But be warned. My prediction is for even higher-pressure sales tactics from car dealers right now, and you will need to resist that. 

Deploy countermeasure number one:

Just don’t listen to what they say: It’s bullshit o’clock. Don’t ask for advice, minimise conversation, and don’t attempt to be friends. Never sign until you’re absolutely ready to buy. Never pay a deposit until you are absolutely sure you want that particular car, and the price is right.

And never leave any parts of the contract blank.

Don’t qualify yourself as a complete moron by signing and paying a deposit, and then going home, doing more research, finding a better deal, and then backpedalling at the speed of light, trying to get out of the deal you just signed. Tattooing ‘moron’ on your forehead will be cheaper, and more valuable because future employers and romantic partners will avoid you up front and save you the embarrassment of repeating your mistakes.

Behind that smiling facade is utter desperation, shaped like the pointy end of a Doc Martin.

Second countermeasure:

Do your research and know the recommended drive-away price of the car you want. Take 15 to 20 per cent off. Make it a firm offer. If it’s $36 grand drive-away, you say: ‘I’ll give you $30k now - not a cent more. It’s a firm offer. Do you want to do this deal or not?’

Then - and this is the real skill - DO NOT listen to anything the dealer says afterwards: Because it’s still bullshit o’clock. If they go for it - and you’re sure you want to go through with it - sign the contract and put down $1000.

Deploy countermeasure three:

If they don’t go for it, just walk. Leave your number. See how malleable the price becomes over the next few days. Wait for them to call you. And when they call, DO NOT split the difference - that’s just weak.

They will attempt to talk you up: DO NOT fall for that. That dude selling you that car right now, for a living, is dying inside. His arse has your Doc Martin shaped dents all over it. The second he tries to talk you up, just say: ‘It’s a firm offer, mate. Let me know if you’d like to accept - I’ll keep shopping in the meantime.’

They hate that. The thought of you continuing to shop elsewhere places them under extreme pressure. Which is excellent for you. 

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Conclusion

This is the key to getting a good deal on a new car in 2020. Exploit the enemy’s vulnerability, and twist the knife, or Doc Martin - whatever. 

Make the offer and walk - your ability to spend money at a time when people generally aren’t is extremely powerful. Use this power.

Pretty much all brands are soft targets right now. A crap year for the car industry doesn’t mean you have to go all Easter Island statue-faced with sympathy. It’s business as usual, carmakers are reeling, dealers are trained assassins - you just have to bring loaded guns to a knife fight.

Don’t be concerned if the dealer never calls you back - it only means they found some other helpless, tattooed moron to gut. It also means you keep your cash, and therefore you retain the power. Don’t feel sorry for the car industry, and certainly not the dealer.

Quite the opposite - this is great news for you if you are prepared to be a polite but hard bastard on the negotiation front, and always remember to look at the clock.

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