Ford locates $25bn black hole in inner space


Post-GFC cash crunch afflicts Ford (you might remember, it’s the one that escaped bankruptcy by selling Jag, Land Rover, Volvo and Aston Martin). But the problems aren’t over


Things look 11 billion shades of gloomy for Ford employees this Christmas, and, entertainingly Donald Trump - my favourite politician - he’s a really great guy - continues on his frenzy of making America great again, this time by shooting Ford right in the rooster.

'Motional scenes this weekend as Shitsville’s Bogan Elite converged on Mt Panorama, Bathurst, the great irrelevant race, to get shitfaced and kiss the mighty Falcon goodbye.

A Falcon first won at Bathurst in 1967, and in the 52 years (inclusive) between then and now another 13 Falcon victories: one for every four years. 25 per cent - the approximate academic performance of the average dill on the hill.

If the rest of ‘Straya seemed somehow smarter over the weekend, now you know why.

Things are even grimmer for Ford globally. The company’s stock has tumbled 27 per cent this year, and investors are stampeding away, with office furniture dude Jim Hackett in charge.

It could be a pretty chilly Christmas for at least some of Ford’s 70,000 salaried workforce. As last Friday rolled around Ford let its white collar workers know there would be (quote) “unspecified” job cuts in an $11 billion restructure of the company.

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It’s part of a concerted effort to cut $25 billion in costs.

If you ever wondered why Ford’s engineering is so breathtakingly shit (the fires, the head gaskets, the death trap Mustang - it just goes on and on like Celine Dion’s greatest hits) then this is why.

Morgan Stanley analysts say 20,000 jobs might go. The company’s not saying anything beyond they want a, “wider, flatter organisation” - whatever the fuck that means.

It’s certainly going to be flatter.

But Ford Executive Chairman, and man explaining that up could actually be down, and the sun could rise in the west, Bill Ford, said.

“I don’t think this is even close to a crisis. We’re making good profitability.”

Only the great-grandson of Henry Ford himself could claim a $25 billion black hole is nowhere near a crisis.

Karen Hampton - a Ford spokesperson (tough gig - personal opinion) - described the cuts as, “an organisational redesign of the global salaried workforce”.

Ms Hampton added that regions that are struggling the most may see the deepest cuts.

I’m looking at you, Europe, Asia, South America and of course Shitsville. In fact, only North America is looking OK thanks to the F-Series pick-up.

“There are areas of our business that need to become more fit, and certainly this process will also help them do that. So you would anticipate those areas of the company to see more reductions than others.”

And, news just in: No Christmas card from Ford to Donald this year, with Trump’s absurd trade war tariffs and general cognitive impairment-inspired posturing hitting Ford with an unexpected $1 billion hike in costs, thanks to the new 25 per cent tariff on imported steel and 10 per cent tariff on imported aluminium.

That’s in Retardistan.

Back in August, of course, Moody’s Investors Service downgraded Ford’s credit rating to one notch above ‘junk’, which is finally at least in line with the company’s vehicles.


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