How green is the new Audi e-tron?


Audi has finally revealed its e-tron - but is it an environmental game changer, or a shiny new toy for rich, scientifically illiterate virtue signallers?


The headlines: Silent but deadly. 0-100 in under six seconds, 95 kWh battery pack, 400km range.

95 kilowatt-hours for 400 kilometres range, driving 15,000 kilometres per year (let’s say) at 830 grams of CO2 per kilowatt-hour (which is the CO2 impost of the grid here in New South Wales.

That’s pretty much three tonnes of CO2 per year, driving your virtue-signalling, four-ringed monkey-spank-tronic-plus e-tron wank wagon, using the grid to power it up from home or the office.

Read more at Wikipedia >>

The e-tron is gunna cost you about $200,000 (That’s in Shitsvillian micro-pesos, including luxury tax and on-road costs, and doubtless with the endless options Audi pumps up the price with, once they get you through the door, with your trousers at half-mast.)

Alternatively, I guess you could spend $100,000 and buy a diesel shitbox Q7. Screw the environment, right? You’re rich. WGAF (who gives a…)

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Crunching the enviro-numbers there is pretty easy. 150 grams of CO2 per kilometre, combined cycle. Times 15,000 kilometres equals two-and-a-quarter tonnes of CO2.

Versus three tonnes with the new four-ringed electric wank-wagon. These are ballpark estimates, right? New Euro driving style versus reality. Assuming 100 per cent charging efficiency versus reality. Audi’s range claims versus reality. I wouldn’t plan a rocket launch this way, but that’s the data and it’s a bit loose, but ballpark.

That’s about 25 per cent less CO2 from the notionally filthy diesel.

Also, inconveniently, with the e-tron, you need to have an 11-kilowatt power outlet to recharge, minimum, and that’s gunna take 8.5 hours. Eleven kilowatts. That’s nearly five conventional single-phase, 10-amp wall outlets each on the verge of tripping the breaker, for more than eight hours. It’s rather a lot of electricity.

I’m not anti-EV. I’m not. I’m pro-fact. There’s a disconnect - and most motoring journalists are too scientifically inept, or too keen to suck on the car company teat, or both, to point this out.

Frankly, if you’ve got $200k to spend on a car, you could buy a Prius and drop the rest on actually being green, but I guess if you did that, people would not know you’re a rich, virtue-signalling dickhead, 400 metres out.

Now, if you’re a climate change-denying arsehole, cherry picking this and that - pounding out absurd comments to the effect that CO2 is really plant food, or something, I’d suggest your most valuable contribution here would be premature death. Preferably today.

However, we could park your objections to climate change at the door, and I could sell the world ‘green’ cars - provided they were truly green - on the health benefits of clean air alone. Exhaust pollution kills more Shitsvillians prematurely than car crashes.

Read more at The Guardian >>

I could sell it on the basis of energy security alone, too. Because dependency on the supply of liquid fuels from Dogshitistan, or wherever (geopolitically unstable regions) is a bad look for ‘Straya. If we made all of our transport fuel here: good for us.

Which brings us, of course, to our dickhead in chief, and Arse-trailer’s seemingly bronze-age energy policies:

To Scott Morrison, Shitsville’s latest, most ridiculous, temporary Prime Minister, I’d suggest:

A) God’s a kid with an ant farm. We’re the ants. Thus, he doesn’t care what you think. (And also, there’s no evidence he exists, so there’s that.) Stop wasting your time talking to him, and start fixing, I dunno, everything that’s broken.

And, B) as a priority, you must ask the coal industry, politely, to remove its wedding vegetables from the government’s rectum, and kindly green-up the grid as a matter of some urgency, because…

C) Climate change is real, you preposterous wanker, and Shitsville could be an energy-independent superpower with clean air in our cities if you weren’t such a God-bothering, science-denying dick.


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